Coping, Development, Faith, Therapy

Why I can’t achieve for my child (and neither can you)

Like many women I know, I’m on the type A spectrum. I’m extremely focused and very goal oriented. I like to make lists and to have a game plan. My thinking is very linear and I’m all about finding efficiencies and developing a process to make things happen.

Most of the time in life these characteristics have served me well. I worked hard through high school and college, and graduated on time with (fairly) decent grades. I’ve worked hard in my career, and have progressed accordingly. I’ve even worked hard at relationships, and have found that when I put time and effort in, for the most part, they succeed.

Overall, in my life I have found that Knowledge + Hard work + Time = Achievement

But what happens when you’ve educated yourself, put in the work, have performed all tasks correctly, and things don’t go as planned? What if you work even harder and still don’t see progress? Does that make you a failure?

Continue reading “Why I can’t achieve for my child (and neither can you)”

Coping, Development, Faith

Lessons in Faith from Maddie

If you spend any time around church or studying the Bible, you’re familiar with the idea that God is our “heavenly Father.” There are many parallels that can be drawn between our heavenly Father and our earthly fathers, but the basic principles are that He loves us and calls us His children. And just like our earthly fathers, He provides for us and guides us.

Since I became a parent I have a much greater understanding of this comparison. The immediate and unconditional love that you feel for your child is like no other. Their needs come first. You want the best of everything for them, and you’ll do everything in your power to make it happen.

I recently had an interaction with Maddie that illustrated another parallel in these relationships that I’d never considered before…

Maddie is a picky eater. Sometimes she’s hesitant to try new foods, and even when we find foods that she likes, sometimes she refuses them. In addition, children with 1p36 often have a tough time gaining weight. We’re working with a nutritionist, and I’m ever-conscious of her daily calorie intake.

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“Why would you try to make me eat that, Mama?”-Maddie

Even though we try to make meal times a pleasant activity, we find ourselves sneaking food in, and from time-to-time, forcing it. Maddie has a way of refusing the food by buttoning her lips shut, turning her head to the side, and giving me a look that says “Why would you try to make me eat that, Mama? Why are you trying to hurt me?” Continue reading “Lessons in Faith from Maddie”

Celebrations, Coping, Development

Comparison is a four letter word

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Next to the actual diagnosis, comparing Maddie to other children is perhaps my biggest struggle. And I know this struggle is not isolated to parents of children with special needs. Many a mom friend has mentioned to me that they’re constantly comparing their children to others their age. Are they achieving at the same level? Are they growing, walking, talking, eating as much as the neighbor child? In fact, years before I became pregnant, one of my best friends described to me that, as a parent, you always want your kids to be the best: best dressed, best looking, best in the class. Continue reading “Comparison is a four letter word”